Getting Back To That Slow Burn Love

As a Black woman aging, I’m looking at life through a whole new set of spectacles. Yes, I am telling some of my personal business. 

I’ve spent most of my life working, hustling, keeping everything together, but not always nurturing the one person who needed it most: my hubby (Rico). #mylovelife

Growing up, I didn’t have a real example of what Black love looked like in a home. My mom never married, but she raised us as if two parents were there every day. I learned strength, independence, and how to “do it all because that is what my mother did,” even if it wore me thin.

So when I met my husband, please believe I had a wall so high it needed its own city permit to operate. And on that wall was a sign that basically said: What can you do for me that I can’t do for myself? And yes, I really did say that

And, yeah, it sounds like a Tyler Perry plotline, but the folks who know me know this was my real life and true story. 

Anyways, I was stubborn but ready for love, even if I didn’t know how to say it. And my soulmate, who later became my husband, did something so crazy. He answered that stupid OZ question.
He said, “I came to take care of you and your kids, if you’ll have me. I only want to be an addition to your life.” Screaming, I am not joking one bit. :) #thatsmymanrightthere

But I looked at him as if he was crazy, because he was younger than me, for one. Although he had a good job, I couldn’t get past the age gap. It wasn’t that bad, but he was so persistent. 

But let me tell you something, at that time, my mind couldn’t hold both working and dreaming at once. I thought I had to pick one. But Rico held me in a way that made room for both. He stopped me from closing a door I didn’t even realize I was shutting.

There hasn’t been a day he hasn’t carried me through fire, especially when I wanted to quit. He’s been a father to my girls, his two, we have together.  He’s stood behind every dream I ever chased, even the ones that fell flat. He’s the one who’d say, “Try another way. I believe in you.”
And when I’d get tired of struggling, he’d remind me, “Fight for the dream you were born with. I’m here for you.”

For every idea, every leap, every late-night brainstorm, honey, he’s been there. And now, at this age, I finally see it clearly. He is the Black love king God sent to me. (insert tear)

We’ve cried together, prayed together, and no, this ain’t a movie. But it’s definitely my own Hallmark/Lifetime story.

I was 29 when he walked into my life. Now I’m 54, aging forward, looking back at the woman I was and the woman I’m becoming.

Growing up, I didn’t see love stories on screen with people who looked like me. But that doesn’t mean those stories didn’t exist.

I used to treat things my husband did as “what a man is supposed to do,” not realizing the bigger picture: he wasn’t just doing things, He was loving me. Deeply. Quietly. Consistently.

And now? I’m not lowering my guard and taking the chains off. I’m choosing to cherish this man, our life, and the everyday moments that matter more than anything.

Our marriage is more than a union. It’s the person I’ve been aging with for over 21 years. And I’m entering a season where I’m looking at my life in the mirror and going back to that slow-burning love God gifted me.

Some of you may not get it yet. You might be young, full of fire, full of “I’ll do it later.” But trust me, darling, later comes fast. So pay attention to the person who loves you now, hold them tight.

Take nothing for granted: not the slow movie nights, not the brunch dates, not the lazy moments on the sofa doing absolutely nothing. All those times together matter. It’s the story you will live and die with.
Life is moving faster than the wind, and everything, and even breathing outside costs more these days.

So I’m going back to my old-school, slow-burn love.
And speaking of that, here’s one of my favorite songs from Roberta Flack’s Unheard album

I got this on repeat.

Thanks for reading and following my journey of becoming. You are watching me age forward. And I cherish you as a reader, so please drop a comment and let's be friends. I talk mostly over here. This is my safe community space. 

Until Next Time, Live Life Beyond Existing!

Xo Tangie Bell