At What Age Do We Stop Apologizing

I used to apologize for everything, from talking too long to not answering fast enough, being tired, or just for wanting to do nothing on my day off.

And honestly, that’s something a lot of Black women can relate to: the feeling guilty for wanting to put ourselves first. We’ve been told to keep going, to hold it together, to show up no matter what. Yes, until you crash out and burn from exhaustion. 

But somewhere along the way, I have gotten tired of apologizing for existing. Maybe it’s because I’m starting to think about time differently. Yikes!

I’ve lived more days behind me than I have ahead, and that alone changes how I see and do things now.

Recently, I started catching myself before saying it. I realize I’m not wrong for having an opinion, needing space, or just wanting peace in my aging life. So why do I still feel like I need to apologize for wanting to sit in a corner by myself? Let’s talk about it.

Getting older does something to you. It clears things up. I can't explain it all, but I can feel it. Saying “sorry” all the time isn’t a flex anymore. It's a habit I’m breaking once and for all. These days, I save my apologies for when they actually mean something. And I will know when to use it.

And maybe that’s what growth looks like, finally understanding that peace doesn’t come with permission slips. So here's to:

Things I’m no longer apologizing for…

• Wanting to rest without explanation. And thinking I’m lazy for doing so
  
  

• Needing a break from people, noise, or plans. My alone time is to replenish my mind, body, and soul.
  
  

• Not answering the phone every time it rings. Protecting my peace is vital.
  
  

• Saying no without overly explaining myself. Who else is guilty of this one?
  
  

• Taking my time to heal, to think, to move. Living with intentions
  
  

• Choosing peace over being liked. #girlbye time is ticking
  
  

• Not fitting into who people think I should be by now. I’m doing the best I can with what I got.
  
  

• Dressing how I feel, not how I’m “expected” to. Yea, I am in my Wear What The FUNK You Want era. (If you know, you know!
  
  

• Changing my mind even after I said yes. #gamechanger
  
  

• Protecting my mornings, my mood, and my space. And that’s on Trill Burgers
  
  

• Doing nothing and not feeling bad about it. Perhaps lie on my sofa eating bonbons. :)
  
  

• Outgrowing certain conversations and circles.
  
  

• Laughing loud, loving slowly, and aging my way. #YesmyWay
  
  

That’s my list for today. Yours might look different, but the feeling’s the same, and peace doesn’t need an apology.

So I’m curious…
What’s one thing you’ve stopped apologizing for as you’ve gotten older?
Drop it in the comments. I really want to read them all.

Thanks for reading this short blurb and remember, stop apologizing for things that would inconvenience your peace anyway.

Here's to living beyond existing

xo Tangie Bell