I rarely do anything without my husband or family, and that is because we are a close-knit crew. Somehow, I’ve built my happiness around being with them, so I often find myself waiting until everyone is off work and free so we can be together.
Just reading that out loud feels like I’m being unfair to them and to myself. My kids are grown now, except for one, and they are learning how to navigate life on their own terms. I have not been fair to myself either, because I have not made the effort to learn how to do things on my own. It is fun when we do things together, but they are busy now and starting their own jobs and families. (Although I only have one grandbaby:)
If I am being honest, I did not prepare myself for this part of my life. I spent so much time creating happiness around others that I forgot to figure out how to create it for myself. Lately, I have been learning that joy does not always have to come from big plans or some fancy adventures. Sometimes it shows up in the smallest things, like sitting outside my favorite donut spot on a quiet morning or taking an easy walk through the local museum without any rush. These are things I can do by myself, and they do not feel as overwhelming as I thought they would.
I am still trying to talk myself into letting go of the idea that I need company to enjoy my life, and it is not always easy. But I am trying. So this past week, I decided to take myself on a solo date, and it turned out to be exactly what I needed.
I had every intention of walking, but the Texas heat is nothing to play with. I ended up driving instead and paying the two dollars it took to park. I sat outside, ate donuts, and watched people walk by. I actually enjoyed it. Even though it was ninety-five degrees, there was a little breeze brushing past my feet every few minutes. I didn’t have my phone in my hand. It was just me, my donuts, and a vanilla bean latte with extra whipped cream.
After that, I went into the local museum. I didn’t have a plan or feel the need to see everything. I just walked slowly, looked around, and stopped whenever something caught my attention. I let myself sit in the quiet and think for a while. There is something about museums that helps me slow down and settle into myself. It reminds me of the feeling I get when I am ripping up denim to make a bag or creating a piece of wearable art. That same feeling of being still and present.
As I walked through the museum, I started thinking about this new season in my life. My kids are older now, and I spent so many years pouring my energy into making sure they had fun, made memories, and experienced all the good moments. I would not trade those years for anything. But now I am learning that I get to create those kinds of moments for myself, too.
Some days that will mean trying new things with my husband. Other days, it will just be me, doing something small on my own, reminding myself that I am allowed to enjoy life solo without hesitation.
That donut and museum afternoon was not glamorous or exciting, but it was meaningful. It gave me a chance to pause, to take a breath, and to claim something simple just for myself.
When I came home, I felt lighter and more relaxed. Not because I had figured everything out, but because I have given myself permission to simply be. #IAMFREE
And maybe that is the truth for this next chapter of my life. Maybe, living fully is not always about making big moves or having bold experiences. Maybe it is about learning to appreciate the quiet days, the solo moments, the small steps forward.
And maybe sometimes, living looks like donuts and museums. And that is more than enough.
So, here’s to living beyond existing
Xo Tangie Bell
No comments:
Post a Comment